100-Word Challenge

In our latest workshop we gave our writers a 100-word excerpt and task them with finishing the scene in just 100 words themselves.

Here is the excerpt they were given:

Silvo groaned and opened his eyes slowly. The three monstrous dragons were amassing from every side, their huge shadows enveloping him. The blow he had been dealt had not only knocked him out long enough for the dastardly warlock to summon the dragons but had also severed our brave knight from his trusty sword. Warm droplets of blood trickled down Silvo’s forehead. The dragon to his right was red and winged, the dragon to his left was green and horned. The dragon behind him cast the largest shadow of all and its warm breath was encroaching upon Silvo’s neck. Suddenly….

 

 And here is what they came up with:


 

SUPER DRAGON HAZE

The vapes were charged and ready. Silvio preferred old-fashioned cigars, the fat phallic stumps of carbon; but he was being hospitable to his candy-crush dragons, whose penchant for vapes could be traced back to the saturated valleys of their infancy. Silvio matched flavours with the colours of each dragon: pastoral apples for the green one, cherry-cola haze for the red one. Together they smoked, each warm breath mingling delightfully in the air. Logos for corporate sports brands flashed like religious symbols in the darkness and suddenly the lights of the mall flicked on, drowning among dead muzak.

/ DJ Misty

[word count: 100]

 


 

PEE-EW!

Silvo turned around and shouted at the dragon behind him.

“Woah man, you need some tic-tacs or something ‘cause your breath stinks!”

The dragon, looking dejected sat back on his haunches and huffed a mighty puff. “You think so?” he asked glumly “I’ve been trying to eat healthier you know?”

The other two dragons had come put their wings around the largest’s shoulders.

“It’s okay dude,” said Silvo. “Here, try this.” Silvo ripped off a branch of a nearby mint bush and gave it to the dragon who ate it and instantly perked up.

He smiled toothily, “Wow, cheers man.”

 

/Tricky Dicky

[word count: 100]


 

LET’S GET IT ON

…the green dragon transformed into a bottle of champagne, the red one into a rose, and the large shadow cast behind Silvo fell as a blanket at his feet. From a cloud of smoke appeared an Adonis-like man with long flowing locks. His rippling bare chest was exposed and Silvo suddenly felt the strength of his ‘sword’ return to him.

“My name is Fabio and you are my hidden desire,” breathed the sexy sexy man.

Silvo tossed his armor aside and Fabio popped the champagne and then they lay down on the black silk blanket and had hot passionate sex.

 

/MC Bubble

[word count: 100]

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Going Loco Down in Acapulco

It was supposed to be business trip like any other.

 

Maureen had arrived at 6am, tight lipped and with an even tighter bun, fresh off the red-eye from Gatwick to Acapulco. Of course, the company had offered her a midday flight- business class, you would do no less for your hottest new sales executive who was just about to close a lucrative deal with Rexio’s Rubber Ducks Inc.- but Maureen had refused. Economy class did her fine and besides she liked to sleep on the plane anyway. All she requested was that she get to her hotel as fast as possible, and she did so taking a brief shower and then changing from her black pinstripe suit in to her grey one. She did toy with the idea of wearing her dark grey suit but all her suits were either grey or black, and she wanted to make sure it was obvious to the few hotel staff that might have seen her that she had changed.

 

The hotel room was adequate, the air conditioning a welcome touch in the humid climate. Maureen opened her calendar which clearly allowed her an hour for lunch before returning to the hotel to prepare her pitch tomorrow and finally checking her emails before an early night. She took a sharpened pencil from her breast pocket and skimmed it over her itinerary wondering if she might be able to pencil in an hour for a swim tonight but she decided against it. This trip must run like clockwork– she thought to herself- no time for idle distractions.

 

Just then the Bakelite plastic phone in the corner of the room rang. Maureen answered it impatiently, this call would cut in to her lunch time. Expecting it to be her boss ensuring she had arrived on time Maureen was surprised to hear the shrill man from the front desk telling her that a black limousine had arrived outside the hotel and the driver was insisting she come down. Maureen refused but the receptionist quite impertinently impressed that the driver was more-so demanding than requesting. Already behind her schedule Maureen decide to simply confront the limousine driver about his obvious mistake on her way out the door to lunch.

 

When Maureen took the stairs- lifts in Mexico were dangerously unreliable, she had read that in a paper somewhere- and made the lobby in no time. To her chagrin was not met by the limousine driver but the flustered speckly receptionist who told her the driver had returned to his vehicle and was parked out front. Maureen strode furiously to the limo- already they had wasted 17 minutes of her lunch time- and opened the back door to speak to the driver (the windows at the front were all tinted and the door locked).

“Look there’s obviously been a mistake,” Maureen began.

“Can’t hear you love,” the driver murmured. Maureen fully stepped inside the limo to get right up to the partition but as she did the door automatically swung shut behind her and the wheels started turning.

Maureen was less terrified at the prospect of kidnapping than she was furious at the prospect of missing her pitch tomorrow. Ever safety conscious, Maureen sat down and buckled her seat belt and tried as firmly (but politely) as possible to convince the driver to let her out. Barely 5 minutes passed before the car pulled to a halt but before Maureen could make a bee-line for the handle the door was suddenly opened from the other side. In stepped a glistening Adonis his golden hair was moistened with sparkling droplets of fragrant sweat. His scent was musky and inviting. He wore a tight white shirt that was unbuttoned exposing his bare bronzed chest. Maureen gasped, suddenly she was meant with a sensation she had never felt before she clasped her hand tightly in her lap.

“Hello Maureen,” the charming man said breathily. His white teeth glittering behind his voluptuous red lips. “My name is Fabio Rexio.” Maureen felt a quivering in her thighs.

“Mm..mm..Mr Rexio.” She stammered. “I thought our meeting was not until tomorrow. My pitch is…”

“Oh Maureen,” he sighed, pressing a finger to her lips. “I am not here to talk business. I wanted to show you the sights of course.” Fabio leaned over and instructed the driver to move on before switching of the intercom and locking the partition.

He then began to sensuously remove his shirt, exposing his chiselled abs. Maureen was overcome with frenzied desire and frantically removed her seatbelt. Fabio leaned over and kissed her passionately, their tongues winding around each other like two grass snakes in tandem. He unfurled Maureen’s tight bun. With her long hair following about her shoulders Maureen was suddenly transformed from dowdy sales rep to sexy vixen. He eagerly groped at her breasts and leaned over to kiss her neck. The kisses were like the ferocious suction of a plunger you had accidentally gotten stuck to a wall. She felt his ample rod against her thigh and he whispered to her “Maureen, you are my forbidden desire.” Maureen was not even embarrassed she was having sex in the back of a limo the warmth of their sticky love made her body slide up and down the seat. She wasn’t even bothered that she was missing her schedule at the sound of Fabio’s loud exultation she was sure she had closed the deal for the rubber duck shipment.

The next morning Maureen woke in Fabio’s four poster bed which had black silk sheets. She was covered in glitter. Her hair was blonde now and she had her make up all done so that she looked like an alluring movie star. Fabio was swollen with lust at the sight of her and they fucked like rabbits again. Maureen had spent all night (when her and Fabio weren’t having hot sex) drinking and dancing on stage with strippers. She thought to herself- I have certainly gone loco in Acapulco.

 

 by H.R.

(14/02/17, loco, rebel, <photo: Fabio>)

‘Beyond a Joke’ Sketch Writing Opportunity

Just passing on an opportunity sent to me by Colin from Beyond a Joke live, thought some of you who are into comedy might want to give this a go!
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Beyond-a-joke-square-email-details
‘Hi, I’m not sure if this is the type of creative writing your members are interested in pursuing but I thought I’d forward some details to you about our sketch night just in case as we’re actively looking for writers and contributions. The next show is on this coming Tuesday (10th February) if anyone wants to come along and see the type of material that works.
Material can be submitted to this email address and for more information they can check our Facebook page. —> https://www.facebook.com/Beyondajokelive
You can also have a look at some of the sketches performed ot the last show on our YouTube channel –> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS9B9KEcHi2mHzdusqz05BA
************WANTED: YOUR COMEDY SKETCHES*************

Having enjoyed a successful opening night we are now actively on the lookout for the best sketch material we can find.

Beyond A Joke offers talented new comedy writers a ready-made audience for their best comic sketches. No matter how good you are it’s extremely difficult to get material on the radio, never mind the TV and most writers aren’t keen on performing it themselves. Okay maybe secretly some of you are.

So what happens to all that great stuff you’ve written in the solitude of your own home? Chances are it never gets an audience and ends up being curled into a tight paper ball and tossed angrily at your desktop upon hearing the latest viewing figures for Mrs Browns Boys (insert own comedy bête noire here).

If that’s you then send me your best scripts and if they’re good I’ll put them in the show. The audience votes for the best sketch of the night and a video (sometimes it may only be audio) of that winning sketch will be posted here for all to share and enjoy. There’s one below right now in fact…

Scripts should be emailed to the address in the attached image. I look forward to laughing, cringing, raging and despairing at whatever you send. But hopefully mostly laughing. Cheers, Colin.